Grief is weird. I tell people that it's a lie to tell people it will get better after losing a loved one. The grief just spaces itself out more and sometimes hits you when you least expect it to.
Last night I discovered that Elrond is my dad. (of course, wordy explanation ahead).
I recently half-rewatched the theatrical cut of the Lord of the Rings. "Half-rewatched" meaning, it (the Fellowship and Two Towers) was on as background noise while preparing for dinner, and doing some chores over several days. Last night I finished up the last 20 minutes of the Two-Towers and then watched Return of the King without interruption and distraction.
Without giving away my age, I am certainly a Gen Xer. The 80s were only 10 years ago, right? These movies still feel new to me. As I watched the movie and the gathering armies it occurred to me that I had a discussion with my dad about the movies when the were first released. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of confusion: Dad had been gone for a long time now. But then, how could that be true if we had a conversation about these brand new movies? I let the confusion and thoughts go, until this morning.
This morning, amid my usual difficulty in focusing on any one task (thanks peri-menopausal symptoms!), I eventually turned to the trusty 'let's end this pub trivia argument now' web browser Google and found out two things to quell some of the confusion. The first of these movies came out in 2001, and my dad passed away a few years after they were released. My recollection of my own timeline is strange.
My conversation with my father about the film was his understanding about what Lord of the Rings was. Was is historical fiction? Based on true events? These giant fancy battle scenes were impressive. I remember finding it a bit difficult to explain it to him. I mean, I scoffed a little, because historical fiction and elves, as appealing as that would be, is alas, not true. In his defence, I think never really noticed the elves (ears) in all the previews he was seeing, and just saw what appeared to be old armour, giant battles and some incredible special effects to make armies of 10,000 people look real. But was it based on true events? I remember doing a Ben Kenobi "Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our point of view" on my dad, drawing ties from the Lord of the Rings to the World Wars. Not a true event, but so many things were inspired by true events. That was too nuanced a discussion for him and he seemed to lose interest. I remember half-heartedly telling him to watch the film once it came out on whatever Pay-TV channels he had access to at the time, and that it was a fantastic and beautiful film.
I found myself drawing parallels of my dad to Elrond last night. He was heroic, smart and wise, seen war, been in the military, left his home to some fancy foreign land, kept some things from his daughter to protect her because he loved her so much, even trying to scare off her boyfriend, even tho he liked the guy. I can assure you I do not need to rewrite this summary to fit either Elrond or my father better, except change the order of events. Timelines are messy for me. It may or may not be untrue that I've been in blue Police call box, or 1.21 gigawatt powered Delorian.
I am not sure if dad ever got around to watching these movies. But I hope he did and enjoyed them as much as I did. These were timeless themes, about good versus evil, and fighting the good fight. Things that both my parents instilled in us.
Hey dad, did you know you're like Elrond?
I can already hear him laughing and telling me how silly I am being.
Happy Father's Day to all.
